Dear Mr. Perez,I would like to be the first Mets fan to thank you. For the first time in three years, you did something this past weekend that made us very happy.
You easily could have pitched your usual clunker of a game, something like 5 innings, 5 runs, and 5 walks. We would have said you stink, but it could be worse. Jerry Manuel would have told us that you just made a couple bad pitches but are very close to turning the corner. Omar Minaya would have said there is no intention to remove you from the rotation at this time.
But you are obviously a way better person than we gave you credit for. Instead of just being plain bad on Friday, you gave Mets fans the gift of an atrocious performance. 3.1 inning and 7 runs, gift wrapped with 4 homers. You made it easy for the usually stubborn Mets management team to pull you from the starting rotation, something I never thought they would do. Maybe they will even decide to pursue a decent pitcher to replace you.
So again, I say thank you. Thank you for not subjecting us fans to any more of your starts. Thank you for ending the stress of buying tickets and then praying that you are not pitching. And thank you for stopping the bleeding in my ears from hearing about the great shape you are in and the amazing bullpen session you threw.
Now, if you can possibly find more room in your kind heart, please pitch just as badly out of the bullpen for a couple of games so that management will not even think about putting you back in the rotation. Maybe you could even get dropped from the team altogether. For $36 million it’s the least you could do.
Sincerely,
Mets Kool-Aid
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