Garbage Juice: Another World Series Championship? YOU'RE PHULL OF IT!

At the risk of stirring up the cosmic forces that can cause a Mets fan's worst nightmare to come true in October, we are here to tell you why the Mets biggest rivals will fall short in their quest for 2010 World Series rings. In this final installment of Garbage Juice, I will explain why the Phillies will end up as losers this season.

As a Mets fan, I know a bad road team when I see one. The Phillies certainly fit the bill. They are under .500 with a run differential of minus 22 when playing away from Citizens Bank Park. Sure, they can pile on the runs at a stadium that is no bigger than the wiffle ball diamond at Citi Field. But those lazy pop-ups don't leave the yard at normal ballparks, which is why the Phillies home run happy lineup is not the same away from their home bandbox. The Reds, Giants and Padres, each of whom will be competing with the Phillies for a playoff spot, are all above average teams on the road. Winning on the road separates the contenders from the pretenders, and we know which category the Phillies fall into this year.

If the Phillies do find a way to make the playoffs, they will be lead into battle by a player who has never experienced playoff baseball. That's right, the great Roy Halladay has been a spectator like the rest of us in each of his twelve big league seasons. The rest of the Phillies roster is fraught with postseason mileage, but that won't mean anything if Halladay does his best Byung-Hyun Kim impression in Game 1 of a series and gets knocked out quicker than K-Rod's father in law. It's one thing to throw a perfect game against the Marlins in May; it's quite another to do it when your season is on the line.

If all else fails, we can always count on good old karma to put up a roadblock in the Phillies journey for a championship. So far this season, the Phillies have received three extra home games from MLB (quite a gift for a bad road team) and were caught using binoculars to spy on opposing pitchers. Then there are the Phillies fans, who deserve to celebrate a World Series about as much as Ollie Perez deserves $12 million. Whether they are vomiting on little kids or getting tasered on the field, Phillies fans have surely drawn the ire of the baseball gods.

So while the Mets' season my be disintegrating, we can at least find joy in the fact that there will be no parades in Philadelphia this year. A stacked lineup will not be enough to overcome the rigors of winning on the road or the postseason inexperience of their best player. But even if it does, a team cheered on by a serial puker has to fall short before the ultimate goal.

When all is said and done, the 2010 Phillies will be remembered more for the antics off the field then what they accomplished on it.

Drink it up. And make sure to keep it down.